ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
