Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
this boner is exhausting
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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