I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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