he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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