chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
