ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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