I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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