I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
