Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
