I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
