Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
