when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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