it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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