At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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