a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
