..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Randomize
