Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
