So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
