I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
