To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
