so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
