Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have feelings that need drinking.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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