Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
