I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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