The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
