I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
