We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
