Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
