My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
