That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
