Already got asked if we're dating
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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