I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
