Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Randomize
