I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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