He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
