And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
