i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
