right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
