So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
