my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
