I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
