come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you didnt know i had herpes?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize