There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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