She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
