My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
