His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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