I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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