did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
