my mouth tastes like poor choices
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
