So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
