that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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