I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
