is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
