Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
