Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
