There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i believe in u and ur pee
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
