Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
im holly from the hills drunk
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
