Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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