glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
