I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
