some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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