you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
