Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
is wine microwaveable?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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