So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
