U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
