he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
