I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize