my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Randomize
