you would pick up someone in the library
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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