A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
